tiny bird
I generally don’t like it when it rains. Yeah, sure, it’s great for the green stuff and it legitimizes staying in your pajamas and on the couch for long stretches of time. But I don’t like staying on the couch for long stretches of time. While acknowledging that this might be abnormal, I think that most people, aside from those bastard freaks who prefer cold weather to hot and salty foods over sweet, would agree that rainy days generally blow.
First of all, they are depressing. I don’t know why --- something about lack of sun inhibiting vitamin D production (just a guess) --- but I do know that they are especially depressing when you are a Brooklyn-NYC commuter heading into work on the F train on a Friday morning. My tiny, wretched, $5 umbrella dripped water all over the leg of one of my fellow subway riders; that made me feel badly.
In fact, just looking at my umbrella makes me feel badly--- it looks like a small, frail black bird with a broken stick leg. Umbrellas are horrible in general. I always feel like I am going to cause someone’s eye to get poked out when I use one, especially when trying to maneuver through the cramped streets of NYC.
Becky said that her friend David only uses those big transparent umbrellas that are dome-shaped. These umbrellas kind of coat your body and better protect your top half from the rain. They also allow you to see through them, minimizing the chances that you will eye-stab a fellow pedestrian. The downside of this umbrella model being that you look like a big wanker when you use one. But, function must trump fashion when it comes to rain protection. Or must it? I mean, there must be an umbrella-maker out there who is cut from a bigger, more grandiose cloth--- an umbrella maker with a greater vision. There must be an umbrella maker who can see beyond pretty colors and designs to create a modern umbrella that is hot to look at and highly-functional as well. But, perhaps he/she is plotting an even bigger breakthrough in the umbrella market. There could be mood-elevating umbrellas on the way! Tanning booth umbrellas! Umbrella jump suits! Umbrellas with rear view mirrors! Umbrellas with motion sensors! The possibilities are quite simply endless.
First of all, they are depressing. I don’t know why --- something about lack of sun inhibiting vitamin D production (just a guess) --- but I do know that they are especially depressing when you are a Brooklyn-NYC commuter heading into work on the F train on a Friday morning. My tiny, wretched, $5 umbrella dripped water all over the leg of one of my fellow subway riders; that made me feel badly.
In fact, just looking at my umbrella makes me feel badly--- it looks like a small, frail black bird with a broken stick leg. Umbrellas are horrible in general. I always feel like I am going to cause someone’s eye to get poked out when I use one, especially when trying to maneuver through the cramped streets of NYC.
Becky said that her friend David only uses those big transparent umbrellas that are dome-shaped. These umbrellas kind of coat your body and better protect your top half from the rain. They also allow you to see through them, minimizing the chances that you will eye-stab a fellow pedestrian. The downside of this umbrella model being that you look like a big wanker when you use one. But, function must trump fashion when it comes to rain protection. Or must it? I mean, there must be an umbrella-maker out there who is cut from a bigger, more grandiose cloth--- an umbrella maker with a greater vision. There must be an umbrella maker who can see beyond pretty colors and designs to create a modern umbrella that is hot to look at and highly-functional as well. But, perhaps he/she is plotting an even bigger breakthrough in the umbrella market. There could be mood-elevating umbrellas on the way! Tanning booth umbrellas! Umbrella jump suits! Umbrellas with rear view mirrors! Umbrellas with motion sensors! The possibilities are quite simply endless.
posted by ap at 2:53:00 PM
1 Comments:
hey there - ran across your blog and it reminded me of the master vision i had as a youth of creating a communal umbrella system - something like the take-a-penny / leave-a-penny at bodegas. there could be umbrella receptacles at the door of every business, and if it's raining you take one, then leave it at the next place you visit. i can only buy cheap umbrellas anyway, because invariably, i lose it or it gets stolen. communal umbrellas solve all those problems! plus, you don't need to take them onto the train to drip on everyone - just leave it a the front of the station, and then take one as you leave the next station. i think it's brilliant - feasibly impossible - but damn brilliant. ;)
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