evil cake hater
The phrase "cut and run" tends to be used conceptually and in reference to dating, or to the lack thereof. Last night, I found myself cutting and running in a much more literal sense. I went to a relatively new watering hole for a co-worker’s birthday, called “Employees Only”. It’s a bar that has received some good press lately for its stylish scene as well as for its signature cocktails. The drinks were fine, but beyond the skinny waiters and the in-house fortune teller, there was nothing particularly special about the place.
I will also say that I developed a strong distaste for the owner of Employees Only, who appears to be an evil hater of cakes. I know this because I had a cake with me last night and it caused him to have an immediate and extreme negative reaction. The cake I had was a carrot cake that I had made for Easter. It hadn’t been eaten by my family and I thought it would double nicely as a birthday cake for my co-worker. Sure, my co-worker is Jewish and the cake was decorated to look like an Easter egg but cheers to breaking down silos.
After a couple of drinks, and in discussion with some co-workers, I decided that it was time to pull out the “birthday” cake. I asked a congregation of waiters if they were ok with us serving the cake and also, if they had any candles. The waiters were only too happy to oblige. One of them was just about to hand me a candle when a dark shadow emerged over my right shoulder and barked, “No, you can’t serve that here”.
I turned around and came face to face with a stern-looking man outfitted in a getup that was head-to-toe swing band era, complete with tipped hat. The man, we’ll call him “the evil cake hater”, had a dead pan expression on his face. In the context of my request (to be able to serve birthday cake), it seemed obvious to me that he must be a fellow customer who was merely joking around. As it turned out, he was the owner and he was dead serious. The evil cake hater proceeded to make me two offers: I could pay $25 to be permitted to serve the birthday cake or I could order a dessert, made by E.O., in replace of birthday cake. I’m not sure if the candle would have been included in either option because I opted for neither and put the cake away, for the time being.
A little while later, my friend and co-worker Sarah tried again to gain favor with the evil cake hater. We thought it worth a shot; in case it wasn’t so much the cake that he disliked as much as me personally. But alas, Sarah’s request for permission to serve the cake, sans charge, was refused as well.
For our third and final attempt at serving the now famed Easter/birthday cake, we enlisted the help of our skinny waitress. A few of us finally snagged a table across from the bar and we figured that as long as we kept ordering drinks, we should be able to serve the cake free of charge. We felt vindicated by the evil cake hater’s coldhearted denial of our request. Our waitress was willing to play along with our game, but she asked that we be discrete. This was a difficult task for a bunch of advertising hacks, but Sarah and I worked like champs, trying to disseminate the cake as quickly as possible (me slicing, she serving) to the rest of our team.
We were down to the last slice when suddenly the evil cake hater again loomed like a black shadow behind me. This time he began to yell at me like a cake hater that was evil AND crazed. He ranted on, telling me that I behaved like a child by serving the cake after he had refused my requests four times in a row (I counted three, for the record). His conclusion, he said, was that he had to treat me like a child in return. With that, he scooped up the remnants of the cake for disposal and asked me to leave the bar immediately; I accepted. Just like that, it was a cut and run.
I will also say that I developed a strong distaste for the owner of Employees Only, who appears to be an evil hater of cakes. I know this because I had a cake with me last night and it caused him to have an immediate and extreme negative reaction. The cake I had was a carrot cake that I had made for Easter. It hadn’t been eaten by my family and I thought it would double nicely as a birthday cake for my co-worker. Sure, my co-worker is Jewish and the cake was decorated to look like an Easter egg but cheers to breaking down silos.
After a couple of drinks, and in discussion with some co-workers, I decided that it was time to pull out the “birthday” cake. I asked a congregation of waiters if they were ok with us serving the cake and also, if they had any candles. The waiters were only too happy to oblige. One of them was just about to hand me a candle when a dark shadow emerged over my right shoulder and barked, “No, you can’t serve that here”.
I turned around and came face to face with a stern-looking man outfitted in a getup that was head-to-toe swing band era, complete with tipped hat. The man, we’ll call him “the evil cake hater”, had a dead pan expression on his face. In the context of my request (to be able to serve birthday cake), it seemed obvious to me that he must be a fellow customer who was merely joking around. As it turned out, he was the owner and he was dead serious. The evil cake hater proceeded to make me two offers: I could pay $25 to be permitted to serve the birthday cake or I could order a dessert, made by E.O., in replace of birthday cake. I’m not sure if the candle would have been included in either option because I opted for neither and put the cake away, for the time being.
A little while later, my friend and co-worker Sarah tried again to gain favor with the evil cake hater. We thought it worth a shot; in case it wasn’t so much the cake that he disliked as much as me personally. But alas, Sarah’s request for permission to serve the cake, sans charge, was refused as well.
For our third and final attempt at serving the now famed Easter/birthday cake, we enlisted the help of our skinny waitress. A few of us finally snagged a table across from the bar and we figured that as long as we kept ordering drinks, we should be able to serve the cake free of charge. We felt vindicated by the evil cake hater’s coldhearted denial of our request. Our waitress was willing to play along with our game, but she asked that we be discrete. This was a difficult task for a bunch of advertising hacks, but Sarah and I worked like champs, trying to disseminate the cake as quickly as possible (me slicing, she serving) to the rest of our team.
We were down to the last slice when suddenly the evil cake hater again loomed like a black shadow behind me. This time he began to yell at me like a cake hater that was evil AND crazed. He ranted on, telling me that I behaved like a child by serving the cake after he had refused my requests four times in a row (I counted three, for the record). His conclusion, he said, was that he had to treat me like a child in return. With that, he scooped up the remnants of the cake for disposal and asked me to leave the bar immediately; I accepted. Just like that, it was a cut and run.
posted by ap at 9:33:00 AM
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